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11:56am 22/07/2007
  They're growing up fast. Actually, they are growing up TOO fast. They are FOUR years old now. I mean, it's just hard to believe. They've been good since I last updated, but I'll tell ya, Noelle is the QUEEN of screaming and hollering and stuff. Like, when she doesn't get her way, she will SCREAM and cry and everything. She started that once Michael got involved in the picture again. @_@. But here recently she's been doing good. She loves getting her hair and nails done. I think she looks adorable when her hair is out of her face and fixed nicely. She is so pretty, and she looks so much older. Zachary is sooo laid back and so easy to please, and goodness be is he looking so handsome. He's got that easy smile and just the laid-back ness that works out.

Michael is kind of in the picture. He sees them a lot and everything, but he and I are pretty much just business partners. His new fiance, or whatever you call her, Laura, and I kind of avoid one another, but I try to be polite, smile, and act better than her when I am around them. I am better than her. I mean, what kind of girl screws around with a boy who's living with his kids and babies mom? I mean, she knew about me, she knew about Zack and Noelle, and she was still screwing him. Ugghghghghgh. The way I see it, I'm too good for that kind of crap.

Oh, hey, let me tell you all about my new place! My grandma had a garage and she was having it remodeled. It was finished a week or so before she died, and it was finished into a three bedroom little house. It's all one floor and everything and it's PERFECT for me and the kids. They each get their own room, and I get my own room. The kitchen is BIG, it's about 13x15, so we eat in the kitche. There is like a counter that separates the kitchen from the living room, and the living room space is about 13x15 as well. I mean, really, the kitchen and living room is just one big room, and it's separated by a counter. I don't have any windows or anything since it was once a garage, but oh well. My dad is going to put hardwood floor in for me. My grandma had old lineoleum squares and particle board put in, but the floor was coming up and I hated it, so my dad promised three months ago that he would put in new floor. Well, I got tired of him not doing it, so he told me he would be here two weekends ago to tear out the floor and he never did, so *I* tore out the floor. LOL. It was really amusing and I have pictures. My room is about 10X13 and then Zack and Noelle's rooms are each about 8X10. I mean, for a home that was once a garage, this place is GREAT. And I don't have to pay rent or bills because my grandma paid for it completely and it was left to me! So I have my own house. My OWN house. ^_^ The outside still looks like a garage, but it's so wonderful. It's right down the hill from my Aunt Beth and Uncle Brien house, so now that my cousin Kierstin (also known as Kirsten on different message boards and stuff) is close, we spend a lot of time together =D. It's in the country enough to where Zack and Noelle have three acres to run and play behind the house. And then the actual house sets about 20 feet off Industrial Road. See, Rt. 8 and Highway 27 parallell each other and Industrial road is the road that connects 27 and 8. It makes an "H' or an "I" depending on the way you look at it. LOL. I put up a fence so Zack and Noelle don't go near the road. OMG I love it. I mean, I tore out the floor, so right now we're walking on this old checkered tile that is supposed to be red and white, but the red is faded to pink and the white is gray and won't turn to white no matter how hard I scrub it. But I have my own house. ^_^

Zack and Noelle have their own room, too, and they're doing okay with it. At first they were a little scared, but as long as they have a nightlight and their door is open, they're good. A lot of times, they get up in the middle of the night and watch TV. =P They know how to turn the TV on and work the VCR, so there have been nights when they can't sleep or get scared that they'll watch Toy Story or some other Disney movie. Or they'll come to me on occassion. But yeah.

Hmm. What else to say? I can't think of anything else. But i better be going because it's time for lunch, haha

(send some baby love)

Voice Post   
05:13pm 17/05/2007
994K 5:08
(no transcription available)

(send some baby love)

07:46pm 30/04/2007
  Wow! I'm doing two updates on one month. Something crazy must be up, huh? Well, not really. I'm just bored and thought I would share the CUTEST thing. The weather has been extremely excellent here recently. Warm, sunny blue skies, butterflies, happy people all around. It's great, it's amazing, it's WONDERFUL! Well, we don't have any A/C here at the moment and with me being the electronics queen, this place can get really hot. So, I've been sleeping in a wife beater (or t-shirt) and the girls version of "boxer briefs". Well, starting this week, I'm not babysitting for three weeks. Shannon has three weeks off to go on vacation, get her divorce settled and everything, and Cheryl's tutoring has CATS testing (normally goes two weeks, but since she's with the Brighton Center. they're taking three) and she can work from home, so for three weeks, it's me and the kids. And us only. So we can sleep in leave whenever we want, go to the park, have a load of fun. Just do some fun stuff. Well, that also means that when the house is hot, I can run around in my "sleepwear" and not have to worry about someone coming in. Nice, huh?

Well, Zack and Noelle have discovered that they are big kids and "don't need" me. For real, Sunday morning, we were all asleep, and I guess they woke up. Usually they wake me up, but they didn't. When I did wake up, Zack and Noelle had been into the lower cabinets where I keep the plastic storing dished. You know, the ones with the snap on lids. Kind of like Gladware, only bigger and so forth. Well, they had gotten two bowls, pushed the chair up to the counter so they could climb onto the countertops and got the jar of peanutbutter and a box of cereal. When I woke up, they were feasting on dry cereal in their bowls and using spoons to fish peanutbutter out of the jar. Haha. When they seen me awake, Zack was like, "Hey mommy, what woke you up?" LOL. It was really cute. it reminded me of when I was little and my little brother and I woke up before mom and dad (I was around seven, he was four) and I used to get cereal for the two of us and we used to go in the living room and watch TV. Back then, Lassie, Dennis The Menace, and Flipper would come on Nickelodeon and we used to watch them together. haha. =) It was SO cute though. They're growing up so fast.

They're sleeping in their own beds now (the fouton is now our couch in our living room, and we also have the bed in there since I don't have much furniture) but sharing a room. I have my own bedroom down the hall and I always keep my door cracked a lot of times if they wake up before me, (usually Zack does; Noelle likes to sleep in) they'll bang on the door and it'll open, and then they'll go "Mommy, wake uuuup." And then I'll get up and Zack will go "Mommy, this room a mess!" LOL. And I sleep in a t-shirt and Zack will wait until I actually get out of bed so he knows I'm up. And I'll look for the shorts or the jeans I wore the day before (I shower and change after I get Zack and/or Noelle settled) but while I'm looking for my bottoms, Zack will go, "Mommy, get some pants on" and he definitely sounds SOOO country when it says that, it makes me laugh all they time. Payants. LOL

SO yeaaah. That's what's up. I'll try to keep on the ball with updating. But for right now, I have to take care of "She hit me, no he hit me!" lol

(send some baby love)

09:04pm 20/04/2007
  Hmm. So what's been up with me? Well, first off, the last time I updated, I just ended very quickly and didn't finish that entry because I said that I had thought my grandma had died. See, my mom came here and visited with me right in the middle of that entry and we were having a nice conversation, and she went outside to have a cigarette and I was in here actually getting ready to add to the entry when the phone rang and it was my aunt Neva (mom's sister) who called in tears and just said, "Julie, get mom(my)" so I rushed out and gave the phone to my mom, who tossed the phone to me and just took off... to make a long story short, my grandma did actually die that day. When I wrote that, she wasn't dead and between then, they had actually got her heart started again, but they had to take her off of life support and she died between 12pm and noon. My dad came and told me around 1:30pm that day. It was a shock, let me tell you. She had fallen on the first Friday in March (March 2nd) and broke her arm above the elbow. They told her she would need surgery to fix the arm. Thank goodness I went to see her in the hospital and had a GREAT memory with her, because the last time I would have seen her alive had I not gone on Friday to see her would have been the family Christmas party, and I cried the whole way home and the next day and everything because of the stinging remarks she made. Well, she went to stay with Aunt Neva, and was sick on Saturday and on Sunday, they decided to call the life squad and take her back to the hospital because she wasn't doing any better. She was nauseated, vomiting, having chills and so forth. So they got her to the hospital and said that she had a heart attack because blood work showed that she was. Well, the following Tuesday, which was March 6th, they did an angiogram on her and it showed no blockages when the bloodwork said something was wrong with her heart. No one knew what was going on or anything. Well, Thursday (which was the 8th) they were going to fix her arm. So, they put her to sleep and had her relaxed and positioned her on the operating table and her heart just stopped. My grandma was the only one in the O.R. and the doctors were calling a code and for doctors to get to the operating room immediately, and my Aunt Neva knew that something was wrong, so that's when she called for my mom in tears. She didn't exactly know what happened to grandma, she just knew it was bad. But, she ended up dying. It was a major shock. Because I thought she would be fine. I really thought she was okay.

The 10th was her visitation, and the 11th was her funeral. Zack and Noelle came to the visitation, I dressed them up very nice and they looked beautiful and they ran around and played with my cousin's kids and my newphew and neice and everything while I was just there. I talked to Crystal (another reject granddaughter. LOL she had her kids out of wedlock and everything) and me, her, Joe, and Jill did Forrest Gump impressions, because i'll tell ya, seeing my grandma dead really bothered me a lot. It didn't look like her...enough morbididy...And then a friend of the family all watched the younger children on Sunday during the funeral and then loaded them up in two vanloads and brought them to the church where grandma's church had made a big lunch for us. But we're all doing all right now. The first few days were really hard, and now I consider myself doing all right, but there really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I thought that in a few weeks, it would go back to normal and I would only think of her like every once in a while, like I did when she was alive. But now that she's dead...hell, I don't think that there is an hour that goes by where I don't think of her. A little late, huh?

Well, besides that, Michael is forever out of my life. In my last entry, I said we were living together. But a couple weeks ago, a week before spring break (the end of march) Michael came in and just said, "I'm in love." and I really, really thought he was going to say he was in love with me. Because we'd been living together again and we had been playing around. Seriously, it felt like we were married again, like what a REAL married couple was like. I was definitely feeling feelings for him again. And I said, "oh?" and he was like, "yeah, and I'm getting married, too." Turns out that while he was playing with me, trying to get me to have sex with him (I declined, thank goodness because I mean, knowing my luck I would get pregnant and that's not what I need), making me feel like a princess, and really doing all but telling me he loved me, he was doing the same thing to another girl. For real. And she KNEW. THIS GIRL KNEW ABOUT ME. SHE KNEW. So I kicked his ass out, told him that he needs to go and live with her if he's in love with her, because I wanted nothing to do with him. I mean, what he did really hurt me. He really made me think that we were going to fall in love. And he knew what he was doing, he really did. But yeah. Broken heart to the max. So right now, I live in a little crap hole with my two kids and I would absolutely give anything to be living back with my sister. =( But we're doing okay.

But let me tell you, when Michael did this to me, I decided then and there that I was going to make him regret EVER doing it to me. So, for the last month I have been walking three miles and have lost quite a bit of weight so far. And on top of that, three out of the four weeks, the weather was incredible, warm and everything. 70s and 80s. So, I obviously dressed to be cool. Wore wifebeaters and shorts. Well, I've got sun now, too. I am unbelievably tan! So, I've lost a little bit of weight, and have a tan. Cool, huh?? But I'm not just doing that because of him. I might be going to Florida this year in August and I want to look good for that too. ^-^ hehe!

So yeah. That's what's up with me. I just thought I would update and give everyone the heads up. I'll put some pictures on later.

(send some baby love)

11:40am 08/03/2007

Well, I just thought that I would drop in! Every time I write in here I say that I'll get better at updating but I never seem to do so. Haha, surprise surprise! =P I have a few minutes since Zachary is asleep and Noelle is watching a movie. Noelle is SO into Disney Princesses right now so we're watching Beauty and the Beast which is my FAVORITE Disney movie so yeah. Haha, I'm sitting here singing along to the songs ("She really is a funny giiiiiiirl...that's Belle!") and writing on here. I'm either wanting to sing what I'm meaning to write on here or typing the song. Haha, I really love this movie. Noelle loves it too, but Cinderella is her favorite. We haven't watched that one in a while because I think it's on the last part of the movie case. Zack likes Cinderella because he likes the little mice in there, haha. She is also REALLY into The Little Mermaid. She's actually spreads out the double fleece blankets I make (they're 2 1/2 feet!) in the floor and then will go to one end and have the blanket come up to her waist and then roll so it covers her legs. Her legs are covered and then she has a three feet circular sausage looking fin and then she is a mermaid! I have pictures to prove it but they're on my computer and that has yet to be hooked up.

We are still living with Michael and besides some stupid little things we've not had a major fight. We had a fight about me talking on AIM and using the microphone because it makes the computer slow. And that's the biggest fight we've had since the one where he freaked out and grabbed my throat and everything. And we've talked about that and everything is okay. I don't know, living with him and seeing how he is with Zack and Noelle and just remembering way back when, I'm kind of remembering why I fell in love with him. It's kind of nice. ^_^. He doesn't make me go weak in the knees just yet, but maybe it'll happen. It's so nice right now and I am really enjoying this. Except for the fact that there are mice in the house >.<! I guess that's to be expected though. =P We kind of live in the same area close to the river, but not on it like Sam's is.

Uh, well, I was going to write more, but my mom stopped by. And I'll write later but I think my grandma has died.

I'll update soon?

please keep my family in your prayers


(send some baby love)

08:40pm 03/02/2007
  So far 2007 has been on the poopy side. I was really, really sick and I am still kind of sick. I had this really bad flu. I shook so hard I thought I was having a seizure, and like I was so cold I have every single blanket in the house on top of me. And I was blacking out and passing out and everything. I finally went to the ER and they hooked me up to an IV and hydrated me up, gave me cough syrup with codeine and then another prescription and the flu was turning into pneumonia. So yeah. That was crappy, and it lasted like three weeks of feeling like crap and even now my nose gets all runny. Bleck!

Good thing is that I'm getting closer to my parents. And my friend Joy and I have been friends for years, but like, we haven't talked to one another in years, so yeah. But one day I was on AIM and I seen a screen name that I didn't know so I AIM'd it and it was Joyjoy and BANG BANG INSTANT FRIENDSHIP 8437 woot. Amazing fun.

Oh, and I'm moving in with Michael. It's not that my sister and I are having problems or anything. I'm turning 19 on Friday and that means I'm completely off my sisters insurance and everything so yeah. I just thought it would be best that I moved out and let her and Shane have a life. I've lived with them since I was 16 and they've put up with a lot of my crap and paid for a lot of my crap. And they are trying to start their own family with InVirto (I've been living with Sam, and she had cancer, and chemo can cause infertility, but they still want to try) and stuff.

Michael is still working at Radac, he's claiming Zack and Noelle so it's just a lot easier, and I'm babysitting. Lots and lots of kids at the moment. Ethan, Devan, Ethan (Cheryl's Ethan), Baby Jeremiah, Shannon's baby. And then Sydnie and Autumn once a week. I am making so much money babysitting and I really, really love it. Babies and stuff, I love babysitting. It can get stressful and at the end of the day I seriously just drop. But I love it. And damn son, I'm making lots of money. All under the table, no taxes. I love it. I love my "job". It helps pay bills and buy food and diapers (Zack still won't poop on the potty) and stuff. So it helps. What cool about it is that these kids, most of them are Michael's step brother and step sister's kids. Ethan and Devan are Holli's children, and Holli is Michael's step sister (and my good friend, she's one of the reason's I met Michael) and Baby Jeremiah is Jeremiah's son, and Jeremiah is Michael's step brother and Holli's brother. So yeah. =)

I just don't love the living arrangements just yet. Michael and I were doing okay and we both decided that we could work it out. We weren't together, we were just living together for our children. Buuuuut, moving in has added on a lot of stress between Michael and I. And the other day we had a major fight. We were arguing and he said that it was my fault I've gotten pregnant and any time I've been pregnant and that I probably wanted to get pregnant on purpose and rob people of money and stuff. And some of the things he said really, really hurt my feelings. And I reached up and bitch slapped him. The first time I've ever hit him like that. Well, because I did that, he jumped up and grabbed my neck, pushed me back on the couch, and started choking me without thinking. We both flipped out and then he started to have a serious panic attack (like, he could NOT breathe, he was so freaking out) because he was so scared that he did it to me. Well, we talked about it and I didn't feel threatened after we talked it out, but I don't know. I don't know if I should move in with him but if I don't move in with him, I have no where else to go because I don't want to look like a liar to my sister and everything. I mean, it's really just that.

But, we've talked it out a lot. And I think we've gotten a thing down And we're not like trying to use sex to get through it, yanno. I mean, that sounds terrible, but that's what we were doing before the fight, anytime he had a fight we would just stop and go at it. And that's not right. I'll just end up in a mess.

I don't know how long this arrangement will work out, but we'll see. We're doing better this week, no argument, and yesterday was an all right day. And today I've taken pictures and Michael has taken pictures of me and Zack (Noelle had preschool) and the boys are being SO good. So yeah. It is bitterly cold out right now. They have windchill advisory and everything. They are like, "If you MUST go outside, please bundle up" and everything. I haven't been out since Saturday.

Wlell, dfksdjfkla

I have to go.

(send some baby love)

02:51pm 06/01/2007
  I'm getting extremely concerned right now.

Zack and Noelle were playing a game that they called "knock-knock". They were sitting in the recliner together with a blanket over their legs. And then all of a sudden I heard Noelle scream and go "NO ZACHARY, NO!" and I waited a minute because I thought that Zack might have rocked the recliner a little too hard and scared her so I went to check what was going on. Well, I asked what happened and Noelle goes, "Zack touched my pee-pee parts." Which freaked me out beyond belief seriously. I mean, they said they were playing a game, and maybe Zachary accidentally touched her there, but still.

They're also kissing. Like, not the normal brother and sister kiss, but like, Noelle will stick out her tongue, and so will Zack and then they will touch tongues. And they did it more than once. It only happened once and this was the first time, and when they did it, I was shocked and like, I have the same expression for happy shocked, grossed out shocked, and OMG WORRIED shocked, so I wonder if they thought that I was like doing the happy shocked face and that's why they did it a few more times, but I don't know. I'm really, really getting worried. I mean, no one around here kisses or acts like that and which Zack doing the whole exploring thing, I'm starting to wonder if someone is hurting them or doing that to something because I was reading and one sign of child molestation is the kids touching themselves and stuff so I'm really getting worried. =(. I don't want people to think I'm going crazy worrying or something, but it's really freaking me out.

My sister suggested a couple weeks ago to have Zack and Noelle sleep in different beds and I kind of waved it off because we had a system. They have been sleeping on the fouton downstairs since they turned a year old, but for a year, I slept with them. When they turned two, I used to lay with them until they both fell asleep, and then I would go and sleep in my own bedroom (Zack would come and get into bed with me around 2am and he still does on occasion) and then like, I started having them sleep on completely different sizes of the fouton. I keep the couch part down so they lay it in sideways, and then they each have about a 3 foot all around square for themselves and I used to put  blankets to lik epetition off their sides of the bed. But last night I went to Biglots and bought two roll away beds that fold up and we're going to move the bunk beds (fouton on the bottom) into the basement and have them sleeping in their own beds on seperate sides of the room. They're 3.5 years old so they should be ready for their own bed. If it doesn't stop I'll have them sleep in different rooms or something.

I'm just really worried. =(

(send some baby love)

01:29pm 04/01/2007
mood: mellow
Damn you, Tommy Pickles!

Ever since Zachary watched the Rugrats, where Tommy expressed how he wants to be naked, Zack has this new fascination with being naked, and not only being naked, but exploring himself as well. He's not "exploring" like a lot, just on occasion, but man, this naked thing is starting to worry me. A lot. He constantly talks about wanting to be "nakey" like Tommy and like, in the wrong places. Like, we'll be stolling down the busiest isle in Walmart and he'll be like "Get nakey!" at the top of his lungs and I'll just like, push it off my shoulder because kids will be kids, but still, people stare a lot. He's like got this major fascination with the whole aspect. He'll even rub himself around his parts and be like, "Come get me!" Or it'll be completely quiet and Zack and Noelle will be watching Dora or something and then all of a sudden Zack will be like, "Get naked, Noelle!" And he will start to strip. Noelle just would laugh at him in the beginning and about two weeks ago (this has been going on for like, six weeks) she would start to go for stripping, but I nipped it in the bud right away. So she just ignores it now. But Zack does not get the picture. It seriously has to stop though. On Sunday (the 31st) I decided to go to mass. We needed to get out of the house and Fr. Kroeger (he used to be the priest at St. Bernard, the school I went to before I got pregnant) was there, so I wanted to go. I love listening to him. Noelle had a bladder infection, so she stayed at home. It was just me and Zack going. Well, we were about 75% through mass and I was kneeling and doing Hail Mary's and everything and I took a look back at Zack because he was being super quiet. And he had pulled down his pants and had himself exposed and he was playing with himself. In the middle of mass. I waited until the next song was getting ready to be played (thank goodness it was only like a minute) and I took him to the bathroom and told him that we don't do that. I said that he had an accident and that's why he was doing that, but still. *blush* 

It's gotta be a phase that he's going through, I mean, seriously. It has to end, right?

What's worse is that Michael encourages that behavior, too! I mean, I told him when he went to pick them up for a few hours what Zack did and I asked him to maybe talk to Zack about it, and Michael was like, "He was playing with himself in church? All right!" and he gave Zack a high five. Yeah, okay. Encourage bad behavior and then disappear while I have to fix it and you disappear for a couple months to not help out. What makes it really funny though, is Michael came and picked them up and I told him what Zack was doing, and he praised Zack for it. So when he took the two of them to McDonalds, they were sitting there and then Zack was like, "Dad look!" So Zack did it to Michael, so Michael did have a talk with him. And it hasn't happened since, so that's good.

Zack did do something excellent though! Noelle has been completely potty trained since and Zack has been peeing in the potty since August, but he wouldn't poop in there. When he had to go, he would come up and say, "I need a diaper to get all the poopy out."  So I'd put him in a diaper and then change the diaper after he went. I've been telling him that I would give him a special treat if he pooped in the potty for months, but it never was working. So I told him I would give him a "special, special, SPECIAL treat'" and he finally pooped in the potty! Soooo, we're going to Chuck E Cheese tomorrow night. =) Pizza and games! They are both so excited, which is awesome. I'm so happy that we'll be able to cut back on diapers. Diapers are getting expensive and Holli and Stacy have both been laid off again because they work at IRS. So like, we're not too bad at the moment because I'm babysitting Autumn and Ethan (Cheryl's Ethan) and Shannon's 3 month old, but still, instead of $425 a week without taxes (all under the table) we're down to $260 which is enough, but I'm still sweating it. And I'll be cut off of my sister's insurance in a couple weeks and that makes me nervous, because, well, no insurance. So I'm making good money under the table, but I mean, still, it worries me without insurance. Holli will be bringing Ethan and Devan for me to babysit in February, but I might have a job by then at the after school program, I don't know yet. Like, it depends. I might be able tostill babysit working at the after school program, but I don't know if I'll get that job. So yeah, decisions. Do I keep the awesome babysitting job without insurance and make lots of money, or do I go for a job at the school and get insurance (I think I'll be working enough hours for benefits) and not make as much. Like, I'll only be working 20 hours a week and only making $100 a week or so. I hate getting old. lol

Aww, last week broke my heart. Noelle had a bladder infection. She sat on the toilet for an hour Friday crying and she was going, "It's huuuuuuuurts." and she was breaking my heart. =( I tried everything to try and make her stop crying, I even suggested calling Michael to get him to come up and maybe make her feel better, since Michael has been around a lot lately (Holidays, but, I hope it lasts!) but she was like, "Noooo, I want mommy!" so she sat on the toilet and I kneeled in front of her and she's leaning over on the potty resting her head on my shoulder bawling her eyes out. It would have been cute, because we were in the bathroom and just the way we must have looked, but she was bawling and breaking my heart. I had to pretty much force her to drink cranberry juice, too. She didn't want to drink it because she knew it would make her want to pee and she didn't want to because it burned. I had to put it in a sippy cup and hold it to her mouth and make her drink it. Kind of like bottle feeding, but no bottle. It pissed me off because the doctor didn't want to see her, they just told me to give her cranberry juice. A couple weeks ago, like in the middle of December, we all had this cold, and Noelle and Zack both kept coughing, they never got over it. Well, the Wednesday before Christmas, they had been coughing for like two weeks and I was getting worried that they had bronchitis or something, so I called the doctor and told them they they had really bad coughs, like they sounded bad. And with the doctors offices being closed for the holidays, I didn't them to get sicker and then have to take them to the Emergency Room or anything if it's more than just a cough. Well, the doctors office was like, "Well, we don't want to see them if they're coughing and you shouldn't have even called" and I was PISSED. I told them that if I think it's bad, I'm going to call the doctor and I'm just concerned so they should complain that I'm calling. And I was like, "If you don't want to see them and it gets worse, I'll have to take them to the emergency room" and the woman was like, "Take them to the emergency room then." *sigh*. I don't call the doctor until Christie and Liz (my two sisters who each have children) tell me that I need to call.



I have pictures of their Christmas party and them all dressed up on the computer upstairs. =) I'll upload them soon and have them up.


(send some baby love)

Voice Post   
10:46pm 14/12/2006
241K 1:13
(no transcription available)

(send some baby love)

11:15am 11/12/2006
mood: rushed
Zachary has a new haircut. Blah. He experimented with scissors this weekend and we had no choice but to cut it really, really short. He has a nice bald spot on the back where he cut to much that we'll even out eventually. I keep wanting to take my eyebrow pencil and fill it in but I can't. LOL. Arrgh, it's so short. It's not a mohawk though, so that's good. I was starting to grow used to the mohawk even though I never really liked it. I bet it'll happen again this summer. Or he'll be bald or something. I'm dreading that. LOL. Noelle got her bands straightened out. One day when I was going out and it was just going to be Michael watching them both, I told Michael that Staci would be home and she wanted to see the kids and she said she would cut Noelle's bangs for me. Well, Staci didn't get home until later and she called Michael and told him that she couldn't see the twins and to tell me she was sorry and everything and that tomorrow would be a good day. Well, Michael thought that I would be mad if Noelle didn't have her bangs cut, so he proceeded to cut them. TOO SHORT and uneven. I seen her and I was like, "WHAT DID YOU DO??!?!!?!?!?!??!11111" lol. And he was like, "I cut her bangs..." *sigh*. He didn't think they were too short at all. But like, guys don't need long bangs. *sigh* But the other day, we went to the beauty salon and Noelle got her bangs fixed. lol

I'll tell ya, the weather is to blame for making Zack and Noelle (and all the other little kids I babysit) sick! They both had coughs and runny noses ALL last week. About two weeks ago, it was warm enough that I went through the house wearing a wife beater and I'd go outside in a t-shirt without a jacket. The next day, it got colder, enough to where the kids needed bundled up. It was like in the 40s and stuff. And with the river wind (gotta love living on the Ohio River! bleh :P) it makes it a little colder, so yeah. Cold enough to be bundles but not cold enough to make you freeze to death. Well, the day after that, there were flurries. Then it lingered around the 40's for a while. Then last week it got soooooo cold. Like so cold that I didn't even want to go to the grocery store even though all we had in the house was a weeks supply of chicken nuggets, some shredded cheese, and stuff to make chili. LOL. One thing is that I ask the people I babysit for to bring food for them, like once a week or so. Well, EVERYONE buys chicken nuggets and the freezer is always FULL. lol. Chili is a necessity in this house when it's cold, but we didn't get cinnamon. And we're Cincinnati through and through and you HAVE to have cinnamon. LOL You guys might have beans and stuff in your chili, nawww not us. A whole bottle of ketchup, chocolate, cinnamon, couple spritz of sugar. Yeah. Screw Texas, dude. There is a chili parlor on every block in Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky and you can't live in this area without needing to know how to make some good chili. LOL. Sweet, not spicy. =D. But yeah, without cinnamon it didn't taste right and you don't want to venture to Kroger and freeze the butt off! So yeah.

None of the kids I babysat last week felt good. Zack and Noelle laid on the couch all of Friday and even Squirt (my dog) got up in the chair and laid down with Zack. I have pictures that are on my computer upstairs, I will be sure to post them soon. =) But yeah. It was coooold and no one felt good and they were all wanting new stuff. Trying week. LOL. And it's the weathers fault.

Brr, speaking of. It's cold.

I'll update later. =D

(2 baby love |send some baby love)

12:11pm 30/11/2006
mood: busy
I've been really terrible at updating this journal. Actually, I've been really bad at anything except going to Myspace, and I don't mention my kids there because I want something for me. I don't hide the fact that I have kids, but I'm not like, "MOMMY HERE!" lol. So yeah.

Anyway, soooo what has been new? Well *thinks* nothing much. lol. Michael and I still have this crazy on and off again relationship, but he's living back with Bill and Tania, so he's in the picture again. Which is really nice, because he will take them for a couple of hours and I can get some time alone. Right now, I'm babysitting 5 kids, not including my own. lol, I don't babysit them! lol. But I'm babysitting Stacy's daughter Sydnie, and she turned 2 on Thanksgiving day this year. I'm babysitting Holli's (she's Michael's stepsister) two boys, Ethan and Devan. See, remember the older Ethan, that always played with Zack and Noelle and he was usually always in the pictures I posted? Well, his mom got laid off in August. She works at IRS, so yeah. She was pregnant and everything. Well, she gave birth on a Saturday. November 11th, actually, because Michael and I watched Ethan for her that whole day until Bill and Tania came to pick up Ethan and Michael (lol, that makes me laugh). Well, she gave birth on Saturday and on Wednesday the IRS was calling her back to go to work on the Monday. So I was babysitting Devan when he was 9 days old. But she had to go back or she would lose her unemployment. So yeah. I feel so bad for her! Nothing could motivate me nine days after I had my kids. lol. But anyway, Ethan will be 3 in March and Devan obviously is just a newborn. I'm babysitting Shannon's newborn. He was born in October. And then I'm babysitting Cheryl's Ethan again. Cheryl is my volleyball coach. Or was my volleyball coach. lol. But when I told my had I was pregnant with twins and he went after me, Cheryl was the one who pulled dad off of me and then I went to her house and lived with her for about five months. So yeah. She's awesome. So I babysit two newborns, Sydnie, Ethan, and Ethan. Oh yeah, and my twins. But Zack and Noelle go to preschool two days and week and Michael is still on second shift at Radac, so he comes and plays with the kids and Ethan and Devan since ya know, sorta in a way they are his nephews (and my nephews sorta in a way...lol) since Holli is Michael's step sister. lol. So yeah, it's not as stressful as you think. The newborns eat, cry, and poop and the older kids looove to play peekaboo with them, so hooray.

I'm planning on getting a job at a Daycare come the first of the year. Christie isn't working during the day anymore, so she will babysit (she was babysitting everyone in the beginning) plus my mom might babysit one or two. Like, if Christie gets too stressed, my mom and I are on good terms right now, so I might let her watch Zack and Noelle. Besides, they might get spoiled! lol. I really don't know what exactly I want to do, but I'll figure it out.

I have a camera memory card reader, so I can use my digital camera now. Buuut I'm begging for a new camera this Christmas, so yay!!! I'm so excited. I hope I get it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I have them up, so I best be getting that camera, lol. It's a Kodak EasyShare C703 that I want. LOL. It has a built in microphone and can take video and pictures, too. Obviously. LOL. Sooo excited!!

But here are some pictures. =)

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Pretty recent pictures. =) I will get better at updating, I promise!!

(send some baby love)

01:24am 12/10/2006
mood: okay
I know it's been a while since I last updated. I guess without my camera corn this summer (which has been a major effin loss for me, since I feel like I've missed a billion photo opportunities) has really been the thing. I ordered one the other day.

So, recently, what's been up. Zack and Noelle are growing well, getting big, and everything. Noelle has been completely potty trained since July, and I'm just now getting to where Zack will pee on the potty. Get this, when I was teaching Noelle to pee on the potty, I kept on telling her she was a big girl. So now, Zack think he's a big girl because he pees on the potty. LOL. Seriously. At preschool the other day, they asked Zack if he was a boy or a girl and he goes, "I'm a big girl because I pee on the potty!" LOL. He still thinks that he is a big girl despite all of us telling him that he's not.

They both love Dora the Explorer and watch it whenever it comes on, and they both love to have books read to them. I know Charlie the Choo Choo by heart now. =) Beyond books, Noelle adores Cinderella and The Little Mermaid. Zack just into Dora. He threw a fit at Walmart a few weeks ago because he wanted Dora shoes and only Dora shoes. And the only Dora shoes they had in the store was a pair of black mary-janes in the girl section. haha. Amazing! Michael got so mad that I bought him girls shoes, but I tried to get some boy shoes and he wanted the Dora's and Dora only. LOL. I thought they were cute. =)

They also now have a sneaky habit of going "Smell this!" and then grabbing their butts, squatting down, and making a farting noise with their mouths. LOL. Kinda cute. They're big on hide and seek and their favorite hiding spot is under the table in the kitchen. So far the only major injuries we've had to far is Zack's broken foot and the stitches in his hand, and that's it. I mean, bruises here and there, but nothing too much.

Noelle birthmark on her eye can be removed by laser. But we're not doing it. I'm used to it now and I don't even notice it anymore. They don't know what can even be removed and I figure if it is something that she wants to remove when she gets older, she can, but I'm not going to put her through the pain of sugery when it might not even work, ya know. So yeah. If it gets bad, she can hide it with makeup. =)

So far *knock on wood* no one has been sick. Normally Zack has croup by now is just all messed up, but no croup, no ear infections or anything. He had a pretty bad cold a few months before, but besides that, he'd goooooood! We're all good!

Me? I'm babysitting two little girls and I'm making $130 a week. I guess I can't complain. I am still trying to decide between phlebotomist, child care specialist, hair design, and photographer. I mena, I have so many things I want to do. I just can't think of anything that I want to do as long as I live. Besides get married. haha. I need a boyfriend. I kind of got to talking to a guy a few weeks ago at a football game, and he's a GOOD boy. He's Christian and everything, but nothing will ever come out of it. He's going to college to be a youth minister when he graduates in 2007. So yeah. He has girls who are not moms. ha.

I will be better at updating.

(send some baby love)

12:15am 29/08/2006
mood: laughing all the way
My grandma is extremely awesome. Or extremely insane. Or both. LOL

This is the grandma who was sick in March. She had to move in with my aunt, the only one who has a bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen all on one floor. Well, you'd think that she's be complaining about moving in with one of my aunt and her seven horrible children (and all boys) who had NO idea how to be quiet. But no! Noooot grandma. Grandma was complaining about losing weight because she lost some of her boobs. She's 71!

And last night (August 28, meaning since it's 12:17 AM right now) was her 71st birthday. Guess how grandma celebrated her birthday? She went karaokeing. And not just singing any song. Noooooooo. Grandma karaoke'd Bitch by Meredith Brooks.

This isn't the first time, either.

........haha!!! I think it's extremely funny, but it's weird to be listening to your grandma singing a song that you don't hear normal old ladies to hear. But then again, my grandma is one of a kind, too. She's over 6ft. tall, wears curlers in her hair outside, and does the Cha Cha Slide if you put it on for her. LOL.

Yeah, grandma is awesome. lol

(send some baby love)

01:56am 23/08/2006
mood: sleepy
Wow, I really am making a quick update. It’s 1:31AM right now and Zack should be coming up to my room within the next hour with his blanket to sleep with mommy. Haha, special, huh? No, I looove spending time with my kids and if they come to me crying in the middle of the night, I don’t have the heart to take them all the way downstairs and put them in the futon and make them sleep all alone. I probably SHOULD have some discipline like that, but I don’t.

Well, the last few weeks my camera cord has died on me, so I can’t save any pictures to my computer. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been updating all the time. LOL Who knows. I’ve just been really busy. Sooo what has gone on in the last few weeks?

Well, this has been a rough summer for Zachary, LOL. Started out with a broken foot. Two weeks ago he put his hand in the marble container to get out some marbles and he broke on him, so he had to get stitches in his hand. Well, they got infected last week on Tuesday and we had to take him back to the doctor to have them taken out and then put in again. And of course, he had a horrible cold, and it lasted until Friday. And then on Saturday he came down with a stomach virus while Noelle was dealing with the cold he passed on. And then Monday, Noelle got the stomach virus. And Tuesday (which was yesterday, since the click has ticked over to 1:39am right now) was their first day of preschool. I did some serious thinking and thought it would be the best for themIt's only half a day and two days a week. Interacting with other children will be good for them, I decided. It gives me time to be able to have a few minutes to myself and actually do some things without always having them near me. I’m lucky if I get a shower every other day and when I do get to have one, they’re always in the shower with me. I’ve got to be to keep MYSELF maintained! But both seemed to really like it a lot and I’m glad. I mean, it hurts to send them off, but I really feel it would be beneficial for them. Right now I’m babysitting two little girls (Autumn and September) and making $130 a week, plus if I babysit for Cheryl, that’s another $25 on the day. So yeah, we’re doing all right. We have a little spending money. We’re doing all right.

I’m still living with my sister, but I’ve been staying with my brother, too. Yesterday (whoops, I mean Monday) he FINALLY asked Allysa to marry him. He and Allysa have been together for like over 10 years and they act like a married couple except they don’t have children. LOL. Which I’m seriously surprised about that. But yeah, they go between his condo and her condo, both full of furniture conveniently across the street (about 30 feet, LOL) from one another. LOL When Greg said that he asked her to marry him, I swear the first thing that came out of my mouth is “it’s about damn time.” LOL. Kind of like my reject aunt. Here’s something: My dad’s sister Angela. She’s 37 right now. She was 12 when she had her first son (Ricky), and she got pregnant every time the baby before was 1 month old or so. In ten years she had six kids and they were all boys except for Mercedes (Sadie), who was the youngest, born when Aunt Angie was 22. (grandma ended up taking care of most of my cousins, who are all 25 and younger). Well, when Angie had Mercedes and they came out to say that they had names her Mercedes, my dad was sitting at the hospital (and he was embarrassed by Angela. The only one on my dads side to actually make it decent IS my dad. And he had me and Liz, who had babies before we married and so on) and he was like, “What the hell did she have, a car or a baby.” LOL So yeah, the sarcasticnes in the family. Angie hasn’t had any other kids since Mer, ( I still call her Mer, even though she insists on being called Sadie LOL) because she had ovarian cancer and had to have her ovaries removed. But yeah.

Unfortunately for my effed up family, Sadie is 15 years old, pregnant, and she’s saying the Angie’s husband (the only man she’s married) is the father of her child. We will see. I should actually call and see if Sadie gave birth yet. It was early March when I last heard from them. She’s probably popped out the kid by now.

Hmm, project tomorrow to call g-ma in indiana and see how the family is doing. LOL.

Closing. Boy Meets World will be on in 6 minutes and I have six minutes to pee, make my bed and get in bed. LOL

Love y’all.

(send some baby love)

11:38pm 04/08/2006
mood: ecstatic
Excuse me while I die.

and mark out



I'm sooo hyperventilating riht now and I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooooooo sooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. OMG! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG O MG OMG OMG O MGO MOO


I'm sooooooooooooo excited baby sooooooo m'fin excited. I mean i am whoooooooooping and hollering right now@ haha

Okay, for those who don't know, I'm a HUGE wrestling fan. And Jeff Hardy is my absolute most favorite wrestler of ALL time. I mean, on my fanfiction.net/~xbellex profile, I have Jeff on there. Well, back in 2003, Jeff was on drugs and pain killers, and they released him. He ain't been in TV since April 22, 2003.

WHAT NOW, HE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111ONEONEONE

(send some baby love)

11:14pm 03/08/2006
mood: screw aunt flo!
A loooong time ago, I was going delete happy on my computer and I ended up deleting all the pictures I had taken of Zack and Noelle when they were newborn. I mean, this was a LOOOONG time ago, talking like year 2004, LOL. I even remember the date, it was the day after my sophomore homecoming dance. Michael and I were looking at the newborn pictures, because the twins we guessed were conceived the night of my Freshman homecoming dance. Yeah, anyway, I deleted the pictures and I couldn't get them back! I mean, I spent all of our fall break crying because all my baby-baby pictures were gone.

Well, the other night, I was searching through my old backup disks, and I seen one that had 2003 pictures on there. Well, I was bored and I was all for looking at pictures of me when I was pregnant and like before I got pregnant. So I popped it in the thing, and OMG! Some day when I was bored, I must have saved my year 2004 pictures to the disk as well! I had NO idea that I did, but all my pictures were on there! I mean, my one FAVORITE picture of me is in there! The first time my mom ever seen the twins and I took a picture of my mom and Noelle. Sooooo

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One of my favorites
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Ignore the spit up on my pink jeans, haha. What was i THINKING? Pink jeans when I'm a redhead? lol.
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The Rock and Travis!
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One of my favorites
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SMILE!! I think this was one of the first pictures I got her to smile in
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Love the hair, haha
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mouth wide open
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Noelle had a think for eating paper when she was little. lol That's my mom
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my brother and me
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haha, my face looks terrible
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My nephew Tyler and the twins. Zack looks JUST like Tyler now
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haha, must be my favorite picture of me
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Me and Zack tried to get a picture!
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ne and Noelle in the field at Northkey. that was the mental hospital I went to when I had my nervous breakdown. This was the only time I was allowed outside. My dad brought Noelle to see me. Zack had croup again. =(
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another one at northkey
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First time mom ever saw them. got a picture of her and Noelle
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Noelle sleeping in the car. both the kids LOVED this
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Northkey in the background, lol
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I think blue hair fits me very much!

haha, those aren't half of them, but those are the ones that were first in line. lol

(send some baby love)

12:47pm 23/07/2006
mood: giddy
1. What talent(s) do you have that could make you famous?
Writing or singing
2. If you could be famous for one day, what would you do?
Sing with Nick Lachey
3. If you were so famous that money was no object, where would you live?
Somewhere warm and happy, that can snow on command. Like somewhere like North Carolina on a beach, (with Jeff Hardy) swimming and having a great time. And it has to be close to a big city, and then lots of room. I just want EVERYTHING
4. If you could meet any famous person, who would it be?
Jeff Hardy, HELL YEAH!
5. What would be your famous catch phrase/quote/motto/last words?
"Exist to Inspire" - Jeff Hardy "Live for the moment"


So I've been really bad with updating. Man, last summer I was all nutso about pictures. Well, I have a few to put up, but I think I might like, put an email and tag them so I know no one can claim my kids as their own or something. I have a friend, Kat, and she found that someone saved all her pictures that she put up on her LJ and was posing as her on the internet. Now, I don't think anyone would try to pose as me, because I'm not pretty, but I'm afraid that someone might take my pictures or something. So yeah. I'm kinda weirded out by the whole, mass picture thing. Well, maybe not, who knows.

Zack's hair is pretty much all grown out. His hair is real thick on the top, and then, like "normal" length on the side. Mohawks are summer haircuts so I'm NOT going to let anyone else do it...hopefully. They all seem to think that it is amusing to mutilate my son's hair without asking me. Argh. People these days.

Sooooo dude, I'm trying not to buy myself school stuff. I mean, I go through the stores and I think, "Oh, I need this and this for when school starts" and then I remember...Oh yeah, I graduated! haha. I want to go back to high school so bad.

I need to get my ass in gear and look for a job. I've been seriously thinking of taking some college classes, but I have no idea what I want to do. I mean, I go from wanting to be an english teacher, to a phlebotimist, to a nurse, to a nurses aide, to a writer, to a famous person. I mean, how in the hell am I going to choose? I'll probably be one of those people who will work at Walmart for the rest of my life. Lots of men come in to Walmart though?

I really, really, REALLY need a man. I'm through being single. I don't want a guy just because of what they got, but I want a man because I want to be loved by someone over the age of three. Aww, I miss it so much. I mean, I'm always Stephanie and Rickey's third wheel and like, I think...oh man, I need a boyfriend so bad. I don't want to go crawling back to Michael, even though he is doing EXCELLENT right now, I've learned some things in the last few days.

Creed, I miss you!
Justin, I miss you!
Johnny, I miss you!
Adam, I miss you!
Johnny's Daddy, I miss you!

But I will move on =(

(send some baby love)

Friday Five (little late)   
12:21pm 10/07/2006
mood: hungry
1. When you were a child, what was your favorite game to play?
- Nintendo, SUPER MARIO BROTHERS! y0! Board game, I liked Sorry, Trouble, Connect Four, stuff like that.
2. What is your favorite game to play right now?
- Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, Tomb Raiders, Amped 2, Tony Hawk, Wrestling games
3. Can you share a good story about playing with others or yourself?
- Me and Nathan used to play video games all the time. One day I beat Michael in Tony Hawk 1 for N64 (been a looooong time, LOL)and I was able to take victory. OH! And one time I beat Michael's little brother Larry in a cage match playing Wrestlemania 18 for the Cube. LOL
4. What do you do for play time fun now?
- PLay GTA San Andreas. LOL And write.
5. If you were able to invent a game, what would you call it?
- Depends on what game. LOL

(send some baby love)

01:51pm 09/07/2006
mood: bored
I just burned toast. Well, it wasn't supposed to be toast. Okay, here we go. I wanted to make croutons to go in my salad so I put the bread in the toaster. Well, out toaster is kind of...well. It's old and a piece of shit. No need to try and sugarcoat the thing! LOL. Well, I put the bread in the microwave instead. Because I want croutons. Well, I put it in for a minute and I walk away. When the microwave beeped, went to get it out and the microwave was filled with smoke and...dun dun dun. The thing was totally black. I don't have croutons in my salad.

Zack has learned that he can pee on a tree. Potty training is really simple now with him. LOL. We were at the huge fourth of July party this year, the same one we went to last year. Well, Jeff told me that Zack would probably like peeing on a tree and I was like, "Oh, he ain't potty trained yet. We're working on him." and he was like, "We'll, he'll be potty trained" so yeah. Zack likes peeing on trees. And he is right. So now, Zack has learned that he can hit a tree, he knows that he can hit the potty too. So that's pretty cool. LOL.

Noelle is VERY good at potty training. I mean, we have our accidents, but now she's to the point where she'll go into the bathroom, take off her panties and pants, and she'll get on the potty by herself.

They are getting SO old... *sigh*

(send some baby love)

THE FRIDAY FIVE (32 minutes late)   
12:32am 01/07/2006
mood: okay
1.) What fandom do you center on most? The Outsiders and Wrestling
2.) Do you contribute to it much (write fanfiction, draw fanart, participate in online communities and discussions)? I've written wrestling fanfiction. Wow...tons of it. LOL. And I have one Outsiders fic started that I haven't worked on in over a year. And I have one now that I started three days ago and I'm doing all right on it.
3.) Do you think that such things are good or harmful to the fandom and why? Oh yeah. You'll always have idiots.
4.) Do you think its good or harmful for the original creator? It can be harmful if they're really out of character or something, but as long as they're cool with it...coolio. lol
5.) Why do you like this fandom in particular? Well, Wrestling started out back in like 1999 and I just always loved it. And the Outsiders because the book is...like...wow. LOL.

(send some baby love)